Finding Joy in the Mess of being a Mom
Do you remember how you felt when you found out you were pregnant? Nervous? Yep. Scared? Probably at least a bit – especially if your pregnancy was a surprise. But excited? Absolutely! Then, after the initial excitement wore off, did it start to feel like your baby would never arrive?
If you’re like many moms, you fill the long months between learning you’re pregnant and your baby’s arrival with anticipation. You can’t wait to meet your little one, and you often imagine all the sweet, peaceful, and meaningful moments you’ll share!
But then your baby arrives, and you discover that among the coos, cuddles, and sweet little cries lie sleepless nights, unexplained fussiness, and more laundry than you could have imagined possible for someone weighing less than 10 pounds. And then a new kind of waiting can creep up. You “can’t wait” until he sleeps through the night. You can’t wait until her first tooth comes in, she doesn’t need a bottle, and she can eat solid food. You can’t wait until he can sit, crawl, then walk. And you really can’t wait until she talks and potty trains!
There are so many baby and toddler milestones that it can sometimes seem like you’re just waiting for the next big event to occur. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with looking forward to these exciting milestones! It’s so much fun to see your baby roll over the first time, sit up by himself, and begin to discover her world.
But sometimes do you find yourself excited not because of a first but because of a last – because your baby is finally growing out of a particularly tough stage? Let’s face it – no mom complains that her baby slept through the night too soon or had too easy of a time teething. When you’re in the middle of the mess that comes with a newborn, it’s tempting to long for your baby to be just a bit older – out of this stage and into the next. But what if you look for joy even when you’re groggy from lack of sleep, wearing a t-shirt covered in spit-up, and on your fifth diaper change of the morning?
John 16:21 (NIV) reminds us, “A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.”
It’s true, right? You forget how hard labor is as soon as the doctor hands you your precious newborn. Can we apply this same lesson to the weeks and months after birth? Can we intentionally look for joy in the hard times that come with being a new mom? It’s easy to find joy when you see your baby sleeping quietly, when she snuggles into your arms as you hold her, or when his eyes light up when he sees you. But with the right mindset – and a good sense of humor – you can find joy in the hard times as well instead of waiting for “this stage to pass.”
Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us “there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Sometimes we just need to take a deep breath and remember that the hard seasons won’t last. And also remember when you want to wish a season away that you’re also wishing away a time you can never get back: your baby will never be this age again, and you won’t have the chance to relive this time with your baby. Will you regret wishing the time away just because a child is in the midst of a tough time?
Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 tells us, “This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink, and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them – for this is their lot. Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil – this is a gift of God. They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart.”
Being a mom definitely comes with “toilsome labor,” but this verse reminds us that it is a gift of God to be happy in our work. So we can find joy and happiness even in the hard moments of parenting. And we know the hard times sometimes end up making the best stories!
If you still find yourself struggling to enjoy the motherhood moment you’re in, consider this: we celebrate all of the firsts:
· First full night of sleep
· First tooth
· First time sitting up
· First time walking
· First time saying mama
But as we focus on the “firsts,” we often miss the “lasts.” The lasts are slippery – they sneak up on you and happen without your realizing it. You don’t anticipate the last time you’ll snuggle with your baby while giving her a bottle, the last time he needs your help at bath time, the last time she wants a bedtime story, or the last time he grabs your hand as you cross a street. And while these milestones are just as important as walking and talking – because they are, after all, necessary – they slip by until one day you realize how much your baby has grown up. Then you may find yourself wishing for one more sleepless night where you could just hold your baby in your arms.
AK from Parenting Beyond Punishment summed it up like this: You will never be this loved again. So on those days when you are feeling stressed out, touched out, and depleted, just remember that you will never be this loved again. One day you will long for their affection. So choose a soft voice, choose gentle hands, choose love.
So celebrate each and every milestone as your baby grows. But remember to find joy in all the fuss and mess and the days in between. Intentionally look for ways to be joyful and remember your baby will only be this little for so long. There’s a reason they say the days may be long, but the years are short. Find the joy – and remember the hard times may end up being the stories you’ll be laughing about before you know it.
Are you a new mom looking for someone to help you find the joy in parenting? One by One provides mentors who walk with new moms providing support, parenting education, and friendship to help you in your journey as a mom. Click here to learn more or to request a mentor.