The Imperfection of Motherhood: Moving Past Guilt and Thoughts that You’re Not Enough
Ask any woman, and she’ll probably tell you, “Yes, it’s hard to be a woman.” Let’s face it: life is complex, and there are definite pressures that both men and women encounter. But, for women, it seems we all have one common struggle, the pressure of being perfect.
Women want to be the best and the most—the most beautiful woman in the room, the most talented, the one with the best personality. We want to be the perfect balance between gentle and strong. We want to be the right amount of everything—as if when God made us, He added just enough of all the ingredients. Sugar and spice and everything nice. We can’t be too much or too little—we must be just right.
Women fight this battle nearly every day. But ask any mother, and she’ll tell you this pressure is amplified. Mothers, in general, feel an incredible pressure to be not only the ideal woman but also the ideal mother.
The truth is, there is no such thing as the perfect mom. We’ve also heard that over and over, though, haven’t we? “Just be yourself…Don’t compare yourself to others….”
Most mothers understand that they can’t live up to the impossible expectations they set for themselves, so why do we still fight this battle every day? Why do we feel so guilty when we can’t get everything right? How can we get past feeling like we can never do enough or that we will never be enough?
Let’s take a moment and explore ways to overcome these inner battles.
Realize It’s Not Just You
One of the worst feelings is loneliness. We believe that the enemy (Satan) enjoys nothing more than making you feel like you’re the only one struggling; you’re the only one messing up this badly; you’re the only one who’s this cranky and this tired and this ignorant.
This is one of the biggest lies you’ve believed.
All mothers have felt like a failure at some point. Whether you have a newborn and you feel like the most unqualified mother in the world, or you have five kids running wide open. You’re drowning because of expectations and worries; just know that other mothers walk this road, too. It’s not just you.
Understanding this truth can help you come to terms with our next point, which is:
2. Remember, You’re Not Supposed to be Enough
That phrase sounds harsh. That phrase might even sting a little bit. But, the world tells women all the time that we’re strong; we’re independent; we have all we need within us. The problem with this mindset is that it leaves us feeling responsible for everything.
Sure, we feel like we can conquer the world on our good days. But what happens when our strength is not enough to support our kids or us?
When you fail, and you will at some point, who will carry the burden of your guilt? How much will it weigh on you when you yell at your kids or snap at a friend or spouse out of frustration? Stop believing that you have to be enough. No one can measure up to that expectation. It’s just not possible.
Your identity is found in the Lord, not in what you accomplish during the day. When you mess up, give it to the Lord because you were never meant to carry that guilt. You were never meant to “be enough” because He is the only one who is enough.
“Cast all your cares on God because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)
3. Be Genuine, Not Flawless
Most parents hate admitting to their children that they don’t have everything figured out. We like to keep our kids in the dark about our screw-ups because we don’t want them to question our abilities. We want them to trust us, not doubt us.
It’s not a bad thing to let your kids see that you’re imperfect. They need to see that mom is not a robot that handles every situation with textbook professionalism. Motherhood is often the most humbling road we walk, and often, the Lord will use our kids to remind us that we need to be vulnerable and genuine with Him.
Don’t be so hesitant to let your kids see you pray for forgiveness or ask for guidance from others. Let’s be mothers who teach our kids not to rely on ourselves and our own abilities but instead on the Lord. He is the only one who is strong enough to hold the weight.
4. Be Thankful, and Then Let it Go
As soon as you feel anxious about your abilities as a mother, stop for a moment and just be thankful. Be thankful that the Lord has given you a heart that’s caring. Be thankful that you love your children and your family so much that you’re concerned about whether you are “doing a good job.”
Be grateful that you love that much, and then let Him have your worries. If you’re concerned, it means you care, and the Lord loves to see a woman who loves her family and wants to provide the best care for them.
So, when you’re anxious about how well you’re doing, don’t get lost in those thoughts. Simply say a “thank you” that He has grown a beautiful, full heart in you, and surrender those thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and failure to Him. Let Him carry those burdens so that you can walk free from expectations and instead walk in peace.
5. The Joy of Letting Go
When you admit that you can’t be all you’re “supposed to be,” the guilt of failure subsides because you understand that you aren’t called to be perfect. You’re called to be faithful.
Keep going, sweet friend. You’re doing just fine.